When last I wrote, I was packing the old bags and moving back to the burbs to live with my parents.  I was brewing with ideas on my latest screenplay.  I was jobLESS, carLESS, and low on morale.  So the big question is… were are we now?

Still living at “home”… and between me and you, that embarassing little fact is the main reason I’ve been so hesitant to write.  While all my friends with MBAs and MDs are getting married and buying starter mansions, I’m living in my parents’ basement… although, around these parts we call it the “lower level”.

And it ain’t bad down here, in fact, my entire one bedroom apartment fits into my lower level bedroom.  Yeah, that’s right… I’m actually living kind of large… trying hard not to get too spoiled.  Although,  my sister’s hard rock band jams, my dad’s jazz octet rehearsals, and my stepmom’s 90′s hip-hop workout habit, help me to remember that I am only a temporary guest in luxury’s lap.

I’m still not working  – conventionally speaking – but the good news is I was able to get unemployment after all (more about that later).  So that means, the bills are up-to-date (and some have been paid in full), a small savings has been acquired, and most importantly a script is being written.

Things are kind of awesome in that starving, artist kind of way…

For the record, I’m happy to report that I am still broke, but all the better for it.  Somehow being broke has allowed me to focus on what’s important.

Thanks for your patience and continued interest in ma pauvre vie (my broke life).  Be back soon, keep checkin’ back.

Moving ain’t cheap.

1. Movers – I’ve had my friends do this for me in the past, and I’ve learned that asking friends to move your apartment is really the quickest way to lose them (and mess up your furniture)
2. Moving supplies – I saved boxes from my last move, but I need plastic wrap for my sofa, a wrap for my art, bubble wrap, tape, tape and mo’ tape
3. Storage – where else am I gonna put all my stuff
4. Finalizing utility bills – remember when I bragged about putting of my gas & electric bills?  Well here’s the part were that method comes back to bite me in the ar$e
5. A half months rent – this is what happens when you move out in the 15th of the month

So… it turns out it’s gonna cost me more to move “back home”, then it would to stick around this place for another month.

And while Craigslist proved to be completely worthless in the role of helping me find gainful employment, it somehow managed to find a lovely couple to take my apartment off of my hands.  (I didn’t even have to convince them that, after awhile, they wouldn’t notice the Green & Orange Lines whisking past their window.)

So if you too are preparing to relive your childhood, here’s what to expect:

the good

1. you’ll get free (or cheap) room & board
2. you’ll finally have food in the fridge
3. you’ll be surrounded by good company (if you actually like your family)
4. you’ll be under less financial pressure
5. you’ll be able to start saving money again
6. you’ll finally be able to afford that (much needed) haircut
7. you’ll have a legitimate reason to watch American Idol [or insert cheesy "family" programming here]
8. you’ll be forced to address the inevitable, “So what’s your plan?“

and the bad

1. your dad will start waiting up for you again
2. you’ll be forced to explain why you didn’t come home last night
3. you’ll be expected to do “chores” like, making your bed and cleaning up after dinner
4. you’ll be distracted by things like, “dinner with the family”
5. you won’t be able to walk around nekkid whenever you feel like it
6. you’ll feel compelled to watch American Idol with your mom
7. you’ll be forced to address the inevitable, “So what’s your plan?“

To spice up the plans a tad we decided to check out the new neighborhood theater in the S. Loop, ShowPlace ICON.  The beams of light crisscrossing through the sky have been beckoning me to see what this new venue is all about.  What can I say, I’m a sucker for a production… or so I thought.

From the moment we pulled onto the new Roosevelt Collection property and were ushered into a parking space by not 1, but 6 men, dressed in heavy winter gear and waving orange traffic batons, I knew we were in for a production.

We stepped onto an elevator, where another winterized usher, pushed a button to take us to the theater level.  We enter the theater level and are directed to the box office, where we’re asked to pick out our seats from the chart on a digital screen.  This may seem very first class in theory, and I suppose it is, but I couldn’t help but being annoyed by this.  I mean, I hate having to pick my seat from a chart for a flight or a concert.  What if I get it wrong?

I happen to be very particular about where I sit during a movie, I like to be dead center, not to close and not to far from the screen.  I have no idea of how big or small the actual theater is or how big or small the screen is… all of this is crucial in determining where to sit. Pressure.

So we pick out seats and then the clerks says… that’ll be $25 please.  I turn around to make sure she doesn’t think we have 3 people in our party, but we we’re the only one’s in line.  Wow, has the price of movie tickets gone up?  A manager passes by and catches my question.  She informs me that I should expect hire prices in the city.  Well, I live in the city and go to the movies in the city and have never had to pay more than $10 for a ticket.

She tells me that she thinks River East costs $10.75… okay, but that’s still less than $12.50, so what’s your point. She neglects to tell me that if I had chosen a 6:00 pm show, instead of the 6:45, the tickets would have been $10 each.  That info wouldn’t have made it any better, but it would have offered some perspective on the pricing structure.

Irritated by the $5 upcharge on the movie we head to the concession stand. Granted it’s new and pretty looking but, I really don’t care if the menu is digital, as long as the popcorn it hot.

• 1 medium popcorn
• 1 medium soda
• 1 box of Raisinettes
• “real” butter
• total $18.50

Yes, that’s right we got charged for real butter. Really? This is a “premium theater” with premium prices and you’re charging me for butter?  Irritated. But, wanting to give my new local theater the benefit of the doubt, I’m thinking maybe the higher prices are compensating for the free parking.  Nope, wrong.  Parking will cost a fee starting Jan. 3.

When we finally make it to the theater, I realize my assigned seat is too close to the screen.  Irritated.  Another one of the many ushers offers to go to customer service and change our tickets to our desired location.  I try to point out the seats we want and she runs off, waving her hand behind her, like she’s got it. We sit in the seats and get comfy.

She comes back with a family of four and seats them, in our row, while telling us we have to move to the seats, in the top row, farthest right.  Uhm?  This is not what I asked for.  So, I walk a mile to customer service, get the seats that I want and return to the theater.

The kid from the family of four is sitting in my newly assigned seat. And why shouldn’t he be?  That’s where the usher sat him.  Irritated.  But I feel like an idiot asking him to move.  After all, these aren’t tickets to the inauguration, it’s a freaking movie.  So I sit in the next seats over, hoping no one comes in the middle of the movie and asks me to move out of their seat.

My boyfriend sleeps through the entire 2 hour movie. Irritated. And not because I don’t want him to get his rest, but because I’m thinking, you choose the $25 movie to snore on?

The movie’s over and we go to the much hyped bar/lounge.  We’re seated by a hostess, dressed in her NYE best.  Our seats overlooking the S. Loop skyline are cold and honestly not the best angle for my favorite city.  But who’s complaining?  It’s New Year’s Eve!

• 2 beers
• 1 cocktail
• 1 burned, tasteless chips and dip
• 1 disgusting mushroom, goat cheese, spinach and roasted tomato panini
• tip
• Total $50

Grand total for what was supposed to be an inexpensive NYE date = approx $95

Now granted, we spent less than we would had we gotten all dressed up and gone somewhere fancy, but now I’m thinking we would have had more fun.  And something tells me, this movie theater actually wants you to get all dressed up and think of it as somewhere fancy.

But the “experience” falls short, tries too hard to be something that it isn’t.  It’s a movie, if I want something more, I’ll go somewhere else.

Maybe if I had gone the “VIP” route for an extra $5 then I would have had a better experience.  But somehow I think I’ll be okay just sticking to the regular movies.

We Chicagoans have seen this happen to our beloved Gino’s and Pizzeria Uno’s.  And now, my pizza loving friends, I’m sorry to announce it’s happening to Lou Malnati’s.

At its best Lou’s is buttery crust, fresh chunks of tomatoes, cheesy cheese, a perfect mix of herbs and spices, and it’s such a mouthful that at times a knife and fork are required.  But at its worst, it’s a soggy or burned, over-cheesed, under-sauced $20 mess.  The latter has been the case as of late.   Which is unfortunate considering that the company seems to be expanding.  Lou’s are popping up all around the Chicagoland area.

We all know I can’t afford to pay that much for a medium pizza, let alone one that ain’t right.  I’ve taken to complaining, and they’ve acquiesced by offering me a free pizza the next time I order.  But even the free pizzas suck.  They clearly aren’t keeping track of just how dissatisfied I’ve become, if so you’d think they’d want to make it right.

It all comes down to principal for me, when I pay for someone to make my food, I expect it to be RIGHT.  And when it isn’t, I expect them to make it right.  Perhaps I’m asking too much of my pizza makers.  Is it just me, or should consistent excellence be the primary goal for a restaurant?

Is it too much to ask that the crust be crisp, but not burned?  That the cheese and sauce have a perfect balance? Who wants to choke down a mouthful of thick cheese and dry crust?

So I guess I’m looking for a new pizza place?  Preferably one that doesn’t cost an arm & a leg and that is good EVERY TIME… any suggestions?

I was transferred to the HARDSHIP department… Here were my options:

1. close my accounts and get on a payment plan with Chase
2. close my accounts and work with a debt management company (recommended by Chase) to remedy all of my financial woes

Being the cynic that I am, I tend not to buy into those “debt solutions” companies, BUT since Chase was willing to vouch, I was interested.   It’s important to weigh your options when you’re broke… cuz, as we know, broke’ll make you jump to some foolish conclusions…

Apparently, they can help me pay off my astronomical debt by April 2014… and that sounded like a long time until he told me that if I continue to do it my way, I won’t be done until August 2047.  Which means, I’d finally be debtfree by the tender age of 67… this is looking like a no-brainer.

He was careful to remind me repeatedly that they were a non-profit company… got it you’re not making a profit off of me!

And then he pulled a soft copy of my credit (which means the inquiry doesn’t show up on my credit) and went through ALL THE NUMBERS.  This was by far the most uncomfortable (read: scary) part of the call.  But honestly it was therapeutic to hear it.  And accept it.

So then we talked about my options.  I couldn’t stop wondering… how will this hurt me? And after asking every question I could possibly come up with and posing every scenario I could possibly concieve of, the plan sounds like it can only help.

Of course,  I won’t be able to get a credit card while paying, but that’s a… good thing, right?  I WILL be able to get a mortgage or car loan, which I won’t if I continue to do what I’m doing.

After debt therapy, came emotional therapy.  He was a nice old guy (kinda sounded like if he weren’t doing this, he’d be a used car salesman)… turns out his wife has migraines too.  We talked about the cost of medicine and the cost of education.  He let me kvetch about my student loans and vanity degrees.

Most importantly we came up with a plan, which might be the smartest thing I’ve done all year…  Looks like 2009 won’t prove to be a total waste after all.

NAUGHTY

1. city of Chicago – for shamelessly issuing bogus tickets for parking and red lights, in an effort to recoup billions in disappearing dollars
2. pharmaceutical companies – for charging outrageous amounts of money for drugs that people NEED to be well (ie. Zomig migraine medication for costing $196.00 for 6 doses, or $32.67 per headache…)
3. migraine headaches – for having no mercy on me
4. credit card companies – for being so useful, while simultaneously doing such harm
5. overpriced education – for costing me much more than I’ve received in return
6. businesses/companies – for exploiting their employees with the constant threat of getting “laid off”
7. “the economy”- for obvious reasons
8. BONUS: reality television – for pretending to be entertainment

NICE

1. Mom and Dad – for taking such good care of me, ESPECIALLY over the last 7 months
2. Babe – for taking such good care of me, ESPECIALLY over the last 7 months
3. My landlord/BFF – for understanding

I wish I hadn’t thrown out my lights and returned all my ornaments last year, but I did.  A few of the bulbs where out, so I figured I’d just buy a new set next year.   And the ornaments I bought were too small.  They never experienced the glory of being donned by a tree before returning to the store.

I decided to replace everything “next year”.  It’s crazy how quickly next year turns into “this year”… Suddenly it’s less than two weeks from Christmas and you’re staring at a nekkid tree.  And yes, a smarter me would have bought them on January 2nd, from the holiday section at Target, but the old me didn’t think like that.

A Christmas tree isn’t something I would necessarily get for my single, childless self, but some boyfriends give you roses, mine… gives me a tree.  It really is a perfect little tree for someone like me – a little piece of the wilderness here in my home, infusing the air with its delicious pine smell.

But honestly I feel sorry for the poor thing, being chopped down and all… and then winding up in my house, with no excited kids, no lights, no ornaments… no gifts.

Lucky for the tree, my boyfriend was thoughtful enough to save the star from last year’s light and ornament disposal…  foresight is one of his many strong suits, sadly the same can not be said for me…

They were gracious enough to leave a message, which immediately ruled out the wrong number theory.  It turns out it was “an important call from People’s Gas reminding me that my next payment it due soon”.  I’m sure this was also a reminder that my last payment was due… a month ago.

It’s true, I needed a reminder… kinda.  I didn’t totally forget to pay, it’s just that whenever I’m short on cash, gas and electric get pushed to the “I’ll pay this next month” pile.  Not because they aren’t important bills, it’s just that after some experience, I’ve learned that missing a payment with these guys doesn’t really have any immediate consequences.

They only charge something like a dollar in late fees and they wait until you get ridiculous with the missed payments to start hounding you.  It’s more of a warning than a reminder, but it works just the same.  I know that by the time I get that call, I better find a way to come up with the money or… it’s bonfires and candlelight.

Now usually, by the time I get the call I’ve scrounged up enough to pay the bills… BUT if that were the case today, then this wouldn’t be my broke new life.  So…

Thinking about having a gas and electric party… EVERYBODY’S invited… only 5 bucks for a night with me and, uhm… I hope you don’t mind if it’s BYOB… the party fund is depleted this month… you understand.