“Harvard undergraduates believe that inventing a job is better than finding a job.”

I’m thinking those Haaahvard graduates may know a thing or two about making money, so I’m gonna roll with them.

In the spirit of inventing my own (and instead of waiting for someone else to discover me) I’ve decided to take the bull by the horns and turn this wee, little blog into a web series that chronicles the life and times of the broke new me.  That’s right folks, get ready to meet a thinly veiled highly dramatized version of me … in multi dimensional, living color. Aren’t you excited?  I know I am.

Stayed tuned, I’ll be back soon to let you know when to start popping the corn.

When last I wrote, I was packing the old bags and moving back to the burbs to live with my parents.  I was brewing with ideas on my latest screenplay.  I was jobLESS, carLESS, and low on morale.  So the big question is… were are we now?

Still living at “home”… and between me and you, that embarassing little fact is the main reason I’ve been so hesitant to write.  While all my friends with MBAs and MDs are getting married and buying starter mansions, I’m living in my parents’ basement… although, around these parts we call it the “lower level”.

And it ain’t bad down here, in fact, my entire one bedroom apartment fits into my lower level bedroom.  Yeah, that’s right… I’m actually living kind of large… trying hard not to get too spoiled.  Although,  my sister’s hard rock band jams, my dad’s jazz octet rehearsals, and my stepmom’s 90′s hip-hop workout habit, help me to remember that I am only a temporary guest in luxury’s lap.

I’m still not working  – conventionally speaking – but the good news is I was able to get unemployment after all (more about that later).  So that means, the bills are up-to-date (and some have been paid in full), a small savings has been acquired, and most importantly a script is being written.

Things are kind of awesome in that starving, artist kind of way…

For the record, I’m happy to report that I am still broke, but all the better for it.  Somehow being broke has allowed me to focus on what’s important.

Thanks for your patience and continued interest in ma pauvre vie (my broke life).  Be back soon, keep checkin’ back.

Moving ain’t cheap.

1. Movers – I’ve had my friends do this for me in the past, and I’ve learned that asking friends to move your apartment is really the quickest way to lose them (and mess up your furniture)
2. Moving supplies – I saved boxes from my last move, but I need plastic wrap for my sofa, a wrap for my art, bubble wrap, tape, tape and mo’ tape
3. Storage – where else am I gonna put all my stuff
4. Finalizing utility bills – remember when I bragged about putting of my gas & electric bills?  Well here’s the part were that method comes back to bite me in the ar$e
5. A half months rent – this is what happens when you move out in the 15th of the month

So… it turns out it’s gonna cost me more to move “back home”, then it would to stick around this place for another month.

And while Craigslist proved to be completely worthless in the role of helping me find gainful employment, it somehow managed to find a lovely couple to take my apartment off of my hands.  (I didn’t even have to convince them that, after awhile, they wouldn’t notice the Green & Orange Lines whisking past their window.)

So if you too are preparing to relive your childhood, here’s what to expect:

the good

1. you’ll get free (or cheap) room & board
2. you’ll finally have food in the fridge
3. you’ll be surrounded by good company (if you actually like your family)
4. you’ll be under less financial pressure
5. you’ll be able to start saving money again
6. you’ll finally be able to afford that (much needed) haircut
7. you’ll have a legitimate reason to watch American Idol [or insert cheesy "family" programming here]
8. you’ll be forced to address the inevitable, “So what’s your plan?“

and the bad

1. your dad will start waiting up for you again
2. you’ll be forced to explain why you didn’t come home last night
3. you’ll be expected to do “chores” like, making your bed and cleaning up after dinner
4. you’ll be distracted by things like, “dinner with the family”
5. you won’t be able to walk around nekkid whenever you feel like it
6. you’ll feel compelled to watch American Idol with your mom
7. you’ll be forced to address the inevitable, “So what’s your plan?“

1. accept that you might have to lie in order to get what you want
2. know that they don’t verify your answers
3. accept that you might have to close the credit card – it won’t hurt your credit anymore than missing payments on an open account will
4. they’re going to ask you a bunch of annoying questions including “are you currently working”
5. if you are not working, say that you are
6. resist the urge to say “if I was working, then I wouldn’t need a payment plan jackass“
7. they’ll want to know the reason you’re no longer able to make the payments
8. something like: you’ve “been forced to cut hours” or, your “pay has been reduced” are acceptable answers
9. they’re going to ask how much you make monthly after taxes
10. they’ll want to know how much you spend monthly
11. the right answers will allow you to pay a fraction of your current payment
12. the wrong answers will get your request DENIED
13. your objective is to prove that you won’t be able to make payments if they don’t help you
14. the company’s objective is to get paid – if you insist that you can’t, they’ll find a way to help you

The first time I called, I wasn’t aware of these simple tips and I got rejected immediately.  The second time, I called I fudged the truth a little and was able to lower my monthly payments by 50%.  I sound like an infomercial… I know… but it’s true.

Remember, I make these mistakes so that you don’t have to.   Now, go forth and reduce!

Class dismissed.

I was listening to talk radio this morning and an older woman called in and said “people today don’t know how to be broke”.  She said that we have no creativity, no imagination… and if today’s generation had been brought up by parents who lived through the depression, that we’d be far better off than we are now.

I’m thinking she has a point… I don’t really know how to be broke, how to live without.  This is a new thing for me and believe me you, I’m failing miserably at it.  I grew up a privilege child of 80′s excess and 90′s progress.

The last recession was merely this “thing” that adults talked about.  More of a buzzword than an actual circumstance.  And then it was over.  Now I am the adult and the Recession has morphed from nothing into a palpable force in my life.  I’ll be the first to admit… I’m completely stumped.

So I’m looking for creative ways to cut costs or ways to live more, with less.  *Any suggestions?

*This is a real question, would love for my readers to chime in with some ideas.

My thinking was that the camera would pay for itself in a couple months time.  All I needed to do was book some clients… which should be easy considering everyone is always telling me that I “really have an eye”, and that I should “start charging for my photos”, and asking me to do a “photo session” with them.

Well… I found it hard to charge friends and I found it harder to convince non-friends that they should pay for something as self-indulgent as a personal photo shoot.  I also found out that everyone thinks they want you to take their pictures until you ask for $200 an hour.  At which point they decide that the photographers at Sears will do.

So here I am, two years later,  with a Best Buy credit card balance of $1500 (and of course I’ve paid more than $100 over the last two years… it’s called INTEREST).

I considered selling it about a year ago, by that time the going price on one of these babies was only $1200.  The camera is apparently akin to the automobile in its ability to lose value as soon as it leaves the showroom floor.  Who knew?  I couldn’t get a price that I was happy with, so I kept it.  And renewed my vow to make some money taking pictures.

Another year later… do I have to tell you that my start-up photography business hasn’t been the success I hoped and dreamed it would be?  The camera is up for sale again.  I’ve priced it at $899, which I know is ambitious, but still a decent starting point for negotiations.  The only offer to pay what I’m asking came in the form of this thinly veiled scam:

Hi Seller i am pleased with the description of this ITEM.And i will like to purchase this ITEM from you with nothing less than $1000 for this ITEM i am very sorry for not being able to come for the pickup and pay by cash.I am out of states right now so i will be doing this through PayPal which is the safest and easiest way.I will be giving you $100 for the shipment to my twin brother abroad through USPS Priority Mail.So i will like you to send me your PayPal ID or a PayPal money request so as to make payment right away.Thanks.

And one more thing i will like you to please be honest with me because i have just been scammed by a seller.Thanks! and sorry for any inconvenience this might have caused you.Asap

Nice touched with the whole I’ve been scammed by a seller bit.

The only legitamate offer I’ve received this go round, is from a guy who’s willing to pay $680.  Low ball.   Says he found a similar deal on ebay.  I told him to try his luck there then.  Second thought, gimme $750.  He’s sticking with his offer of $680 and I’m thinking about it.

My goal was to sell the camera and its accessories at a decent enough price that it would make a dent in the large balance.  But $680 towards $1500  just barely scratches the surface.  I’d probably end up using the money for other bills and then right back where I started, still $1500 in the Best Buy whole AND cameraless.  On the other hand, as long as I keep the (ever depreciating) camera, I can continue to try my luck at the photograpreneur thing…

For those of you who haven’t donated already, or have, and want to do more, click one of the following links to get started:

Yele Haiti or text YELE to 501501 to make a $5 donation

Red Cross Haiti Relief and Development or text HAITI to 90999 to make a $10 donation

World Vision Quake Relief to help the children of Haiti

*Be careful to avoid scams, donate with organizations that you know and trust.  You can research organizations at bbb.org and charitywatch.org.

The no car thing isn’t really working in my favor right now either.  Being very much the single girl, I have no food in the fridge, but a trek up to the grocery store isn’t happening.  Every morning, this week, I’ve gotten up with the intention to go to the grocery store.  But every time I step out of the door and the hawk hits me, I head to the Dunkin, Donuts that’s around the corner, instead.  A friend gave me a DD gift card, so I’ve been using hot, tasty caffeine to keep me running.

Adding insult to injury, my heater decided to die on me yesterday.  It’s actually blowing cold air through the vents and the repair guy can’t come today because of the snow.  The irony.  So I’m sitting in a loft, that’s mostly concrete and windows, in full winter regalia, with only a space heater to keep me warm.

Now that I actually need to use my gas fireplace, I can’t remember how to turn it on.   I’ve tried to start it up, but nothing.  Which reminds me of the gas bill I’ve been neglecting…

But I checked the stove, and I do have fire!  So maybe I’ll set up a poor man’s fireplace, you know… crank up the oven and leave the door open.  That should heat things up.

My mother’s probably freaking out right now, imagining me accidentally setting this place ablaze…