And now I remember why I hadn’t worked in retail since the Clinton Administration:

1. I don’t like standing up… in heels… with no real purpose, other than to talk to people who don’t want to be talked to. (The curt I’m fine, just looking, let’s me know they hate me and will only start liking me if, and only if, they need a size or color they can’t find.)
2. I don’t like convincing people to buy things at ridiculously high prices that will be on sale for ridiculously low prices tomorrow.
3. I don’t like pretending that I care… when I don’t.
4. I don’t even fold or hang my own clothes (unless of course it’s time to write my epic screenplay)
5. Store managers always have more problems than the President – (she’s convinced of this, we haven’t actually talked about it, but I can tell.  She goes through a pack of cigs an hour and is falling out of a double zero Ursula pant.)
6. War, famine, H1N1… and how many boyfriend blazers did you sell today?
7. It just ain’t me.